Tripod trouble

I think that God doesn't want me to have an Ipod. Since March I have gone through 2 of them. Granted, I didn't pay a lot for them. (I think at least 1 of them was stolen) It drives me nuts, I can add songs to it, make playlists on the computator, but, when I bring it to work, the battery is dead. I guess this is karma coming back to bite me in the ass.

On another note, Mexican breakfasts can try as hard as they want, but they can never replace Dimsum . (Plus you can replace "Dipset" with "Dimsum" and sing along to any Juelz Santana song)


-Pickle

CAPITAlism

Mr. Scott Shaw emailed me this morning letting me know that he can be found on the transworld website. Let him teach you how to handplant.

When you get back we'll get fine irish wasted.

-Pickle

Go Go Gadget Mobile

There are few things in life that I hate more than driving. Nelly Furtado, Tom Cruise, Star Jones, and Nancy Grace, being them. (I really hate Nancy Grace) I don't hate driving all the time, when the sun comes up in the prairies, mountains, coats, etc... It's really beutifull, epecially if there is no traffic. This morning went even better because I could feel the bile rising.

Top 5 Things I Hate About Driving

5. Old Cars- I know mines not brand new either, but it doesn't puff blue smoke and doesn't squeel. You live in Alberta, the richest province, you should be able to buy a new(er) vehicle. Or, at least get your shit fixed.
4. Being Hungover/Extremely Tired- Last night was sooo hot, sooooo fun but so hot. This morning I'm paying for it and the worst part is I have quit eating fast food. So normally where I would get drive through on the way to work, I now made a bagel. And let me tell you, a bagel while driving is not the same as a sausage mcmuffin.
3. Road Construction- There is about a 2month window in Calgary to do roadwork and being the geniuses that city hall is, they start every project at once. The stupid glenmore construction won't be done until 2010. And you know as soon as it's done they'll have to redo it.
2. Cops- I drive a nice stretch of hwy every morning. 34 km's to be exact. I don't go over the speed limit that much, but there are always cops trying to make their quota. Is there not better things you can do with your time.
1. Old People- You know that huge car driving slow in the fast lane, with their turn signals on, those are old people. They cut you off all the time because they can barely see over the wheel. When I get to that age I better have a driver or I'm taking the bus.

-Pickle

I put the "Cap" in Captain Crunch

I like to check my email first thing in the morning. I know I'm addicted to the internet. Anyways, there was this recipe in my inbox. Now I'm not going to try it, but it got me thinking, who actually likes spam besides Monty Python. I mean it has absoluetly no nutritional value and I'm sure it tastes like gross.

So here are some spamarriffic recipes if you either want to eat it, or ever end up living in a van down by the river.

Island teryaki bites

Elegant Potato Spam casserole

Breakfeats, Lunch , & Dinner


On a fun note. Way to go Goodfoot on your grand opening. It looks good. And the beer was free so that was even better. Also Calgary's own quasi celebrity was there. (I'm not going to say who she is but, it rhymes with hickey and she has been at a lot of these hipster things lately)

-Pickle

Mutha Fukin Wednsday Bitches

Today is Hump Day and it's soooo dead at work. Also It's about 80 kajillion degrees in this friggen dump. So here are my top 10 ways to stay cool.

Keep friggen cold 10 ways if you don't have an airconditioner:

10. Put an extra shirt in the fridge - you should probably brown bag it so people won't get all wierded out
09. DO NOT MOVE - just sit there and don't do anything. You may get fired but at least you will be cool.
08. Make a fan with money - prefferably with hundreds or fifties. Just to show everyone how much of a baller you really are.
07. Beer - and lots of it. They say alcohol makes you more thirsty, but I say it's a liquid and who exactly are they.
06. Buy a kid pool - I know these get so gross and slimy after like a week. But that first week, oh man soo gooood.
05. Pour ice cubes in your underwear - guys do not do this if you are on a date, it doesn't go over to well.
04. Slurpees - don't drink too many or you'll get diabetes.
03. White T's - make sure they are crispy and you only wear them once. Maybe rock some nike airs with those as well. You may not feel cool, but you will look it.
02. Basement suite - that's right, move out of your parents place and get a basement suite. They are cool in the summer and ice cold in the winter.
01. Illegal swimming - you know those nights when you leave the bar after dropping 20 pounds? Those are the best nights to break into an outdoor pool and go swimming. Plus you will have an interestingstory to tell the boarder guards when they ask you about your criminal record.

- Pickle

PS I left out shorts for a reason, they look gay.

I remember when he was just a little hotwheels car

Yesterday was a milestone for the picklemobile. 300,000 km's. It was a sweet drive to work. "Move on Up" was playing, (extended version) I had just finished my muffin, and it wasn't to hot out yet.

So to my u r a bus, (subaru spelt backwards) here's to another 300,000. May your rust spots be little and your oil changes plenty.


Speaking of milestones. We went for dinner to Milestones last night. I ran into my first girlfriend ever. She went to a different elementary school than me but we shared a seat on the school bus. I gave her a stuffed chicken for Christmas. She broke up with me a week later on my birthday. Later on, in highschool, her dad was my physics teacher. Sometimes he would give me a ride home because they lived 2 houses down from us. So Karen, thank you for the 45% discount last night. My wallet appreciates it.

-Pickle

Alberta Love

Some times I wonder why I ever moved here. Seriously, the sushi's not fresh, hard alcohol is more expensive, there are no lakes or an ocean, and everyone drives a truck. But then when driving home from the wedding in an hungover haze I saw this.

And I realized it's not all that bad. I mean sure there are some "good ol' boys" and evry small town guy has something to prove (after a couple drinks), but averyone is pretty friendly and there are sooooo many antiques.

I spent most of the weekend in a drunken stupor and now I am giving my liver a well deserved rest.

-Pickle

More than just Corn

So the internet is shit. If you don't believe me check this out. What the F?!?!?! Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for doing your own thing, experimenting, and having fun. But, come on now. There is a line that just shouldn't be crossed.

On a side note I am going to Taber this weekend for a wedding. Should be fun as there is a ramp set up out doors and lots of booze. Look forward to my new weekly feature, "Pictures of People Taking Pictures"

-Pickle

Shoes not made by 12 yr old Cambodians

I like shoes. I don't have a huge collectione because I am not so wealthy, usually I stick to one style and get like every colour way they do in it. That was until these came out. Thank you. It's nice to see something other than nike. Plus they have the best commercials.

RED
PINK
WHITE
GREEN
BLUE
MR. HAPPY
TARO OKAMOTO
TOY2R
VICE
MONTANA
COLLETTE
FAFI
BLACK
WOOD WOOD

There are seriously too many to list checka check them out.

-Pickle

Like a 12 yr old Serbian girl, I too have a moustache

So I have been growing this scumstache for close to 3 weeks now. 3 weeks and this is all I have to show for not shaving. Well good bye Mr. Mustachio, I'm not really going to miss you all that much.

In honor of my dearly departed friend I have compiled a list of my favorite and not so favorite mustached people. All of these men (and women) had super sweet staches. One day when I'm all grown up I want to be like one of them.


Top 10 mustached Persona

10. Prince- Purple Rain & his band was called the Revolution
09. Hitler- Single handedly ruined a style of moustache for everyone
08. Steve Buscemi- Has the best pencil stache ever
07. Burt Reynolds- Friggen Amazing
06. Gallager- smashin watermelons, meh not so funny but does have a good stache
05. Lionel Ritchie- Fucked up raising his daughter but man "Dancing on the Ceiling" was HOT!
04. Salvador Dali- Put a lot of time into his paintings and waxing his moustache
03. Mr T- Nuff said
02. Vincent Price- scared the crap out of me when I was younger
01. Mr Tom Selleck- Magnum Baby, Magnum


For everything you need to know about shaving those hideous things off, go here.

- Pickle

At least there's no donkey love

So I have a lot of vices and don't exactly treat my body like a temple. I drink too much, I smoke (not a lot, but I still smoke), I eat fast food, I love the ladies, and I don't get enough sleep. So I have decided to give 1 of these up. But which one? Obviously not booze, that's just a given. Cigarettes? No, besides I don't really smoke that much. Ladies? I'm not that promiscuous anyways. That leaves fast food, I don't really like it anyways. So goodbye McDonalds breakfasts, so long JW (junior whopper), I'm gonna miss you but, I have a highschool reunion next yr and something has to change.


-Pickle



PS. 2 Live Crew this monday, speaking of highschool

The Altadore Rainforest

So after drinking my weight in rum on Friday night and having someone hog my hole bed and forcing me to sleep on the last inch of my shitty futon, I woke up to a downpour in my apartment. So, after praisng the porcelin god and losing my stomache lining, we used every towel in the dungeon to soak up the water then went rafting.


Jesus Is Magic the new Sarah Silver man Dvd: A review

Here's the Line
_______________________________________________________________











Here's Sarah. As you can see, she has crossed the line and is now in Mexico

Set Gaydar to Stun

An open memo to hard core tenspeeders:

Who the hell do you think you are? Do you think you are better than me? I do my part, I recycle, I carpool when I can, I even ride my bike sometimes too. What's that? You don't think your better than me? Then why can't you obey the rules of the road?!? RED means STOP, not just for cars but for you too. Please obey the law, take off those gay outfits, and all will be fine. If not me and my non gas guzzling vehicle will be gunning for you.

That is all, carry on

Pickle

Got Milk

In lieu of my little scumstache, I thought I would let you in on our secret club of famous people who have the little thigh tickler.




Mr Young MC



Eazy E



Tone Loc



The Diabloical Biz Markie

There are lots of people like myself who just can't do it. Scumstachers of the world UNITE!