MY LIfe In A Pickle Jar

surrounded by cucumbers

Friday, February 08, 2008

Bigger Upset Then The Superbowl.

Never mind the 7 most unforgivable grammy snubs of all time, the biggest upset this year is R Kelly not getting the best album award or even nominated for Double Up. Now i know that he hasn't been on the level the last couple of years, what twith the whole pissing and 14 yr old thing, but the lyrical content is amazing. All of the songs on this album are banging, but the stand out of the cd has to be Real Talk. Saying "real talk" is now the new "no homo." Thank you once again for your lyrical genius Mr Kelly.


Thursday, January 17, 2008

New year, new post, new me.

I have this problem of never finishing anything that I start, ever. I am 2 classes short of a degree, I can't let my hair get past the "fat kid stage" even though I have been trying to grow it for a year, and my beard was one of the worst things I had ever seen and I had to shave it off after a month. The only thing I ever really finish is sudoku and lunch. This year it's all going to change. No, I don't plan on making huge radical changes like going to the gym everyday or losing 50 lbs (which I should do), but I plan on finishing everything that I start. And to start off the year right, here's a list of things that I will finish this year:

- Get long hair- The mop that i call my hair has been in the "fat kid" stage for a while, I should cut it, but I will not. I am actually going to grow it out and be a total dirtbag at my highschool reunion.
- Finish my tattoos- I have way to many unfinished art on my body. This year it gets finished before I start something new.
- Clean my room- I am not a slob. There is and never will be any food in my room, it's just that sometimes the laundry gets piled up and my bed never gets made. For the first time in about 5 years I will finally have a clean room.

There's about a million other things that I need to do, but these are things I need to finish.


Thursday, October 25, 2007

An Open Letter to My Future Wife

Dear Alicia,
What are your plans for ummmm the next 50 yrs or so? Nothing? Same here. Well if you have no plans, and I have no plans, then why don't we have no plans together. I'm sure we can find a nice beach house somewhere where I can spend my days fishing and surfing and growing a sweet ass garden and you can do whatever it is that you want to do. At night we can eat whatever was caught during the day with whatever vegetables we gather from the garden. Sounds pretty sweet doesn't it? Just think this can be all of yours and all you have to do is call me. I don't want a greencard or anything like that, and I won't lock you up in my basement, I just think it would work out between us.


Thursday, September 13, 2007

Movin on Up

The last 2 weeks of my life have been a whirlwind of boxes and newspaper. No longer am I confined to the dank that was my basement suite. I am now the proud renter of a full house. As we were moving the contents of our fridge I noticed an exuberant amount of stuff that I don't even remember buying, but I sure am glad that they were found.

Here are 10 best random food items I found when moving:

10. Blueberry Salsa - SO, so, so, so, good. It's like mango salsa, but a little bit better. I hate blueberries and I liked this.
09. Organic Maple Syrup - Somtimes when I get the creative juices flowing I like to cook. Maple syrup has saved my ass a couple of times.
08. Grey Poupon - Anything is better than yellow mustard. There is nothing I hate more than regular mustard. It's probably the most disgusting thing I have ever tasted. This tastes way better and has less shit in it then heinz.
07. Horse Radish. If you don't like horse radish then you are stupid, plane and simple.
06. Pickled Carrots - My friends mom is an amazing canner and she knows how much I appreciate free food. And pickled free food is even better.
05. Picklelilly - I know I said I hated mustard, but mustard and pickle? C'mon so good. It's a European thing I don't expect you to get it.
04. Samba Olek - This is so good untill about half an hour later when you are sweating on the toilet. But for that first 25 mins, pure heavenly bliss.
03. Pickled Ginger - I think the last time I made sushi was over 2 yrs agao, but for some reason I keep on trucking around this jar of pickled ginger with me from house to house. One day I am going to have to get rid of it.
02.Bernsteins Garlic and Parmesian Salad dressing - When I was a kid I wasn't exactly the kitchen wizard that I am today and would eat this on everything to cover up the taste of my horrible cooking.
01. El Yucatane Green Hot Sauce - If anyone knows where to get this in Calgary please let me know. Last time I went to the Sates I brought home like 10 bottles of this stuff and now I am done to 1. I thought I was out of it untill we cleaned out the fridge.

That was the best, now here's 5 the worst, not including moldy and rotten items:
05. Ranch Dressing - Gross, gross, gross. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up.
04. Margarine - I can't remember when I have ever used margarine. I put enough shit into my ssytem that I try and steer clear of this crap.
03. TNT Beer - Are you kidding me? I am not on welfare. Where the hell did this come from?
02. Oyster Sauce - Being allergic to shellfish I have no idea who would bring this deathtrap into my house.
01. 4 Different kinds of BBQ Sauce - Gag me with a fork. There is nothing I hate more in this world than BBQ Sauce on meat. It kills all the flavour. I think the real reason I hate it though is becasue I used to be super poor and live with theis girl whom I hated. I couldn't afford anything besides KD, Tang, and BBQ sauce. So the taste of the sauce brings back memories of this horrible time of my life.


Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Do you know who I think I am?

As my closet full of wildlife and tie dyed t-shirts will attest, I don't exactly have a current sense of style. Basically I like to dress like I am 5 yrs old and have my favourite things on my clothing. Sweaters with reindeer on them, check, wolf t-shirt, check, and so on and so forth. I like to call it grade school chique and finally my fashion genius is getting recognized. You can take my glasses, as long as I get to keep the tie dyed shirts.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Call child services

It's become apparant that I have been neglecting my blog like a red headed step child. The truth is I have been. It's kind of hard to come up with anything due to the fact that I have been poisoned. I have tasted the sweet nectar of vacation and now that's all I want to do, besides move out of my house to get away from the mold that is really poisoning me. In the last 4 years of my life I have not had a real vacation. Sure there have been short little escapes from reality, but no real do nothing all week excep eat, sleep, and drink vacations. Now that I have had one, that's all I want to do. So please bear with me while I get my life back on track.


Tuesday, July 10, 2007

I aint got no use for no book learning

I like to think that I learn from others mistakes. I have not killed anyone, I have no kids, (that I know of) and I've seen enough fights to know that it's not always the best idea. As we get into summer driving mode I made a little list to help you not make any mistakes on your trip.
Here are some guidlines to help you have a good road trip season.

- Fireworks are Fun. Whenever you can buy fireworks, they sell them at most gas stations in BC. Not only will you have endless entertainment, but if you are lucky someone will get hurt.
- Put EVERYTHING on your Ipod. Sure you may be going through an Iron Maiden kick right now, but come kilometer 2000 you may be a little sick of them and wishing that you had some New Edition to break up the guitar riffs.
- No more than 1 cigarette per hour. This rule should be followed at all times unless you want to look like this.
- Do not fill up in the Rockies. Gas is a complete rip off from Canmore to Revelstoke. Do whatever you can not to fill up there.
- Drink lots of fluids. This way you get to take more pee breaks and get to stretch your legs way more often. Also it helps to get rid of the hangover you incured the night before.
- The passenger seat always controls the music and rules of shotgun apply at everystop. If you don't like what is being played on the stereo you better know the rules of shotgun or else you may have a whole trip of Jessica Simpson.
- DO NOT DRINK & DRIVE. This is a no brainer, people do care about you and would like to see you again.


PS - Don't litter or stop in the middle of the road to look at wildlife.