Wait one cotton picking minute

I hate summer. I don't actually hate summer itself, but the things that go along with it. Sandals, shorts, muffin tops, and most of all allergies. Fuck do I hate allergies. I would cut off my left arm to not have allergies anymore. It's to bad that you don't get to chose what's wrong with you. Like if they gave you a choice between 2 things and you had to pick which one you could live with. Like if you had the choice between being deaf or blind, or having autism or down syndrome. Either choice isn't that great, but which one could you live with. I can just imagine how it would go...

"Congratulations Mrs. Maas you have a beautiful boy. Now we have a couple of options here. Option A is your son will grow up with severe allergies. He will never be able to eat nuts, shellfish, or other things, or be able to breathe properly. The one time he rides a horse he will end up in the hospital for over a week and have countless run ins with death throughout the years. He will also be one of those kids who has glasses in kindergarten, eczema, and a constant runny nose. Or, we have option B. You see, we found that all of these things can be cured by cutting off his left arm. Sure he may not have a left arm, but he will be able to breathe through his nose and eat peanut butter and lobster. The choice is yours"

Of course she would have left my arm on, but man it would be great to be able to breathe through my nose all the time.

-Pickle

No no no no no no no no no nooooooooooooo!

Just because someone died from aids doesn't mean you can ruin their life's work. There had better not be a Hilary Duff cover of "We want Eazy."

-Pickle

Flashback to the 90's

Lady Sovereign, what can I say? It was like losing my virginity all over again. I was kinda drunk and had to sneek in. It was over pretty fast and afterwards all I wanted to do was go to sleep.

-Pickle

For once in my life

I have nothing to say. But don't you worry, once everything settles down, I will be back up to my usual useless self.

Note to self

Getting drunk at 2 in the afternoon may seem like a good idea, but it's not.

You think you're better than me?

It all started on Mother's Day. After waking up a little sore and cotton mouthed from the night before, we decided that today was a Chinatown breakfast day. So we pile into the wagon and head down for some china-bun goodness. After cruising around for a bit trying to find a parking spot we decide to give up and head somewhere else, but we can't, traffic is at a standstill. Well there must be an accident or something right? Wrong, it's some piece of shit Eurotrash mom taking 20 minutes to pull her child out of a car seat. Then, after traffic finally starts moving, she decides to walk across the middle of the street, towing her spoiled brat behind her, when there is a cross walk about 25 steps down the road. I have now reached the point where I have to say something, so I honk the horn and tell her to use the fucking crosswalk. A bit of banter goes back and forth and long story short, we have Vietnamese for breakfast and I wrecked her Mother's day.

I don't know if she put the call out to all other busted ass Eurotrash trophy wives, but in the last 6 weeks I have been flipped off, cut off, boxed in, given the evil eye, and yelled at by said women driving SUV's. So bitches, you are now on my hate list along side the likes of Avril Lavigne, Gwen Stafani, and Nelly Furtado.

-Pickle

Feeling Hot Hot Hot

It's been a hot one lately and as everyone knows, the only real way to cool off is with a slushy. (Slurpee, Slush Puppy, Icee, they are all the same thing) Did you know that Calgarians are the 2nd biggest consumers of Slurpee's in North America? Neither did I. For more fun Slurpee facts check out these guys.

Here are my picks for the 5 worst and best flavours:

Worst
5. Sour Apple - I have a great idea, let's take not ripe apples and make a totally different flavour out of them that tastes like your grandma smells, then let's dye it green, and call it sour apple.

4. Pineapple - Should be left for Luaus and fruit salad.

3. Licorice - Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, GROSS!

2. Cream soda - Cream soda is the number one cause of ADD.

1. Banana - Who actually likes artificial banana flavour? The only person I know of who does is my grade 7 teacher, and he lives by himself with about 30 cats.

Honorable Mentions: Mountain Dew, Cherry, French Vanilla, and Candy Cane

Best:

5. Orange - Any sort of fruit pop is always good, it mixes well with everything and the amount of food dye and sugar in them are sure to keep you ticking for a couple of days.

4. Grape - Same as above.

3. 7up - Now you may be thinking that 7up has not to much flavour. Exactly the point. It serves as a buffer zone between the fruit and the pop.

2. Cola - Coke, Pepsi, they are both the same, and they are both a staple in my cup.

1. Root Beer - This is the most rare flavour of slush for good reason, it's the best. If there were root beer slushies everywhere I would be at least 900 pounds.

Honourable Mentions: Watermelon, Lime, Blue Raspberry, and Dr Pepper.

Stay Cool

-Pickle