Toys backwards "R" Us Kid

As another birthday approaches (1 month) I have come to the decision that I do not want to be old. That's not to say that I don't like getting older, because I like that. I just don't want to be old. Not 60 old, but old old. You know, when you start to shrink and every colour you wear is faded, that old. When you wear your pants over your belly button and your socks match your belt, that old. I don't even like the elderly. They are all wrinkled, little, gremlins.

Reasons I dislike old people:

They Smell. Literally, it's like a combination of pepermint, cat urine, mothballs, glade spray, dust and pretty much just staleness. If I ever get to the point in my life where my house smells of anything other than day old pizza, beer, and dirty socks than I don't want to live.

They Can't Drive. And they drive the biggest cars. I'm not saying they couldn't drive at one point in their life, but, you should know when to draw the line. Even Tyra Banks says so.

They Count Out Pennies. In this rush rush rush society that we live in who has time to count out $34.65 in change? Old people, that's who. And besides the change thing, they don't understand the 12 items or less line. I know that after this great shopping extravaganza where you spent under $40.00 that you are probably going to go home and talk to your cat and watch whatever it is that old people watch, but I have stuff to do. Hurry up.

They Talk to You. Didn't your mom ever teach you to not talk to strangers? This is particularly bad when the weather starts changing, or basically when anything is changing.

This is not to say that I dislike all old people, just the majority of them. There are the ones that rock and make you look forward to being old. The ones who's pant's sag, don't wear pastels, still work on the farm, enjoy a smoke every now and then, and don't go to Arizona, to live in a R.V. This is the old person I hope to one day become, then I can chase kids off my property when they come trick or treating and I can write about how much I hate kids, what with their smooth skin and rosy cheeks and all.

-Pickle